TIE ME UP

“I don’t know whether to worship at your feet or spank the living shit out of you.”
E.L. James, Fifty Shades Darker

Fifty Shades of Grey. Soft-core, cheesy porn-a-like.  The title almost comes with an eye-roll from most guys I know. The thing about Fifty Shades is that this isn’t a movie entitled to you blokes. It’s a romantic drama, induced with sex. It is meant to spike the mood, fantasy and sex-drive of the ladies. That’s it. The results? They speak for themselves;

Not only have Fifty Shades of Grey sold millions of books. In 2011 the annual sales for sex-toys grew by 111%. Overall, they’ve seen an impressive 50 percent year over year growth in annual sales.
If those facts aren’t convincing enough, then I don’t know what is.

What you have to realize is that females ain’t got the same biological compounds in our brains as you. Traditional porn, for the most part, has zero effect on the average chick whatsoever. We need different things than you. Fifty Shades of Grey is the kind of porn that speak to our biology.
Females are human emotional roller-coasters. We are raised in a society where we have been spoon-fed stories about princesses and true-love. To light us up like a Christmas tree, we need bit of a story-line. Sorry, but being chased naked through the woods just doesn’t cut it. Most of us just aren’t going to buy into your Violet Blue fantasy.

Let me paint a different picture, so that next time your girl suggests y’all watch Fifty Shades you wont be so quick to write it off and complain that; “Steven’s girl don’t mind watching Fast and Furious 8.” Think about it for a second. Do you think Steven is getting laid tonight? No. Because Steven’s girl is like every other girl. She might agree to watch Fast and Furious 8, but she’ll also be sound asleep 20 minutes into the movie.
Different things turn us on. So, however ridiculous this might sound to you, Fifty Shades of Grey are essentially our way of saying, ‘I want to be turned on.’ Have you ever understood the way of a girl’s mind before? My guess is no. Don’t start to dissect it now.

Fifty Shades allows girls to untie themselves sexually and mentally. This will ultimately be a win for you. The movie is a gateway for our imagination. As little girls we have been taught to ‘be good and play nice.’ This is our free-pass not to play so nice anymore. Fifty Shades invites us to imagine ourselves in a different role, without taking on the part of a porn-star.

Do you understand now why you shouldn’t hate on it? This fantasy isn’t meant for you. It’s not even meant for you to understand. Fifty Shades of Grey, is meant to turn on chicks. In the end, it will be a deal closer in the bedroom. Play nice when she suggests watching it, and you might just be the one to play the main part in the closing scene.

Okay? Okay.

Freja Blay.
Aarhus, Denmark.
30th of May 2017.